It has been 365 days, one year ago, since I had a stroke that almost killed me. Today is the Anniversary of Me Being Alive Day. Thanksgiving is always a time to remember the past and honor all the work that has gone into the past year. It is also a time to gather with family and friends. One year ago I walked out of the final Harry Potter movie and waited patiently by the popcorn stand for Jana, when all of a sudden the strangest music started playing in my head…as I stood there and wondered where that music was coming from my body started to shake violently on the right side. I thought someone slipped me a “Mickey” even though I have no idea what a “Mickey” really is….The shaking got worse and I shook off my right shoe and tried to pick it up only to land on the ground in a pile of convulsions, unable to lift myself up or control the shaking, all while watching people walk past me into the theater. Finally people stopped and shortly afterwards the paramedics arrived…then Jana found me, with my face drooping on the right side they asked her if I normally looked like that to which she shrieked “Noooo….”. They whisked me away to the hospital and determined I was having a stroke and gave me this miracle drug called ATP, a powerful blood thinner, that cleared up the blockage in two different parts of my brain. I spent the next few days in the hospital with a splitting headache and some slight vision issues. I was surrounded by friends and family and the love and support of my wife Jana. She really had to be strong and for that I am very proud of her.
After the stroke, I spoke with the doctor who reminded my friends of a walrus. He had gotten into a disagreement with his wife so he had gone back to the hospital to do some work when I arrived. He is a well respected brain surgeon in Denver and I am very lucky he was there that day. He told me that as time passed I would focus less on my stroke and focus more on living life. He said the symptoms I had, inability to see objects out of the periphery of vision would go away. I wasn’t supposed to drive and I could ski but I should always be with someone. I had a hard time focusing on my job which is very detailed oriented, but he said all of these things would become distant memories as I got further from the “incident”. I was frustrated during those early days wondering if I was just going to drop dead at any moment. I didn’t want to die and I wanted to make sure Jana was taken care of, she was a working artist at the time and her income from art was not enough to make the monthly mortgage and that really scared me. I was also very determined to get back on the mountain and ski and board, my most favorite passion is to be on the mountain. I had huge mood swings and became agitated at the slightest thing, like a tone or inflection in someone voice at work or the constant fear of Jana losing the house after I was gone. It really started to bother me. So I went back to seek the “Walrus”, he gave me some meds and suggested I just try to move past the incident by doing things I loved. So I skied and I skied and I skied…I was supposed to visit my parents but I wanted to ski instead. So I put it off, I would see them next summer…
In February, my Dad had a heart attack in the early morning at the school, where he was a teacher’s assistant for troubled children. He passed away and I never got the chance to see him after my stroke…for that I am profoundly sad to this day. I went home for his funeral and I got to meet several of the kids he worked with on a daily basis. He had often told me stories of these kids and all the things they had accomplished and he told me about their troubled pasts. He worked so hard to help these kids and he never complained about the work, he just wanted to give them a chance to live a good life. He read with them and helped them with their homework…he also coached baseball and he bought a whole bunch of gloves and bats so they could play even if they couldn’t afford their own gear. He was going to teach fishing that summer so he started to stockpile fishing poles and gear in the basement of my parent’s home. We donated all the gear to the YMCA and I am very proud of him. It has been really hard on my Mom, she has had to endure losing her husband while losing her eyesight to an insidious degenerative eye disease. I drove back to Colorado in his car, a gift for my wife. Her car had been damaged in a hail storm the previous summer.
Jana and I decided that she needed to start a new career that she would enjoy and that she could have in case I was no longer around. She went back to school and graduated at the top of her class in real-estate. She had several offers from teachers and other employers but she chose a Denver company that specializes in advanced training and marketing techniques…Porchlight Realty. She was done amazingly well for herself. As spring came to Colorado, I switched from skiing my ass off to biking my ass off. I bought two new bikes to handle all the terrain that colorful Colorado has to offer. I spent more time running and riding than I had in the past few years. I climbed huge mountains on my bikes and came screaming down them like a little girl….it has been fun. I started painting again in late summer as I had a commission that I needed to complete…and I was ready to get back in the studio. I have so many ideas and thoughts to express.
All of this brings me to right here, right now. I am so grateful for having another chance to love, to paint, to ride, to ski to live life on my terms. I am not sure what I think about God or heaven, but that music in my head was so strange and wonderful and at my Dad’s funeral a door blew open during the ceremony right next to his coffin as we were saying goodbye, then the door blew shut gently. This past year has been really hard on my family and yet we all still get up and go to work and do what we need to do to survive, despite the Arab Spring and the gridlock in Washington, despite the economic hard times in America and the rest of the world. I am so proud of my family and I know they will be fine. I wanted to share this with all of you as you gather with your families for Thanksgiving and to be truly thankful for all that you have. Time is our most precious commodity and we need to use it wisely, because you never know when your time is up. Livestrong and Play Harder!!

Happy Anniversary of Me Being Alive Day!!!

World Economy and lending

I know I am not qualified to hold a long list of jobs, in fact I am really only qualified to hold a relatively small number of jobs...but I read the as much as I can and I try to stay on top of everything I can as well. I tried to read different sources and different opinions so that I can try to look at issues objectively even though I am a liberal at heart. I don't always agree with everything on the left, I just agree more with the left than the right. I think it is important to know where I sit so you can understand where I stand.

I am trying to figure out the best method for proposing an idea that came to me today. We funded 2 wars in two parts of the world and now we are winding those wars down. We are trying to stimulate the economy while keeping our products cheap for export, so we have kept the dollar low. We are still the worlds largest economy despite 9% unemployment and we enjoy a pretty good lifestyle relative to other up and coming economies like China and India. But the high unemployment is dragging us down and we have to put people to work. Manufacturing and production are slowly increasing again but banks are holding tight to there money which is keeping small businesses from expanding, we want to demonize banks for doing that but we all own the banks and we want them to be profitable, every quarter.

So my idea is simple, let's spend the next 8 years funding business and education with no expectation that we will get the money back, with the same amount of money we just spent on 2 wars and see if we can energize the economy. Banks operate on the assumption that their investments will generate income, thus a profit for shareholders. The government operates on a different basis where investment does see a monetary return, sometimes it is a security return like in the case of Iraq and Afghanistan, where we expect the world to be safer. But if we took all that money and invested in education and small business loans wouldn't that ultimately make use safer and stronger economically? The cost of wars since 9/11 is approximately 3.7 trillion dollars, http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/29/us-usa-war-idUSTRE75S25320110629 and we are still not done spending money on it. Are those countries truly any better off, I don't know I don't live there. Am I any safer, maybe, but I would argue that the wars had little to do with it, look at all that we have spent on airport security. Is the world better off without Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, on that I would completely agree. But we completely overspent on trying to rid the world of those two idiots and I am not better economically because of it. And this is my point.

I know Solyndra didn't pan out and that upsets lots of people, but the reality is that they did generate a great product that was expensive because of the fluctuating price of silicone and the fact that the Chinese government supplements the costs of solar panels produced by Chinese manufactures. But while we gave something like 500 million dollars to Solyndra, they spent that money on US employees and good and services in the US. So that loss is was off set by the mere fact that US citizens were employed and taxes were generated. It seems like a simple approach to big problem and I welcome the chance to discuss this idea with people from across the political spectrum. But we need to spend 3.5 trillion dollars in 10 years on education and small business with the knowledge that that money will be spent here to generate jobs and taxes here. If we lend that money to small businesses that put people to work and brings products and services to the marketplace then we all win regardless of the cost. If we spend that money on education in this country to teach the next generation of children to be like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates (read Outliers by Malcolm Galdwell) and other entrepreneurs.....because in the end we are investing in us, in the US, in the future with a tangible result(a strong and vibrant economy) not a war in a far off place with two idiots. I ask again what did we get for spending 3.7 trillion dollars on 2 wars, when they "spent an estimated $400,000 to $500,000 on the plane attacks that killed 2,995 people " Reuters 6/29/2011

I realize the political fallout from shifting lending from the private sector to the governmental sector is a big fiasco, and I don't have the answers to all of the issues around this problem, but it just seems like we can lend money to big corporations with no strings attached like GM and Citibank, then why can't we lend money to the real drivers of our economy youth and small businesses? We have a whole lot of people who are frustrated with the fact that their economic outlook is bleak, I am not talking about handouts...I am talking about loans for college at really low rates and for small businesses at really low rates, where other banks won't help out. Banks can still lend to bigger corporations and to home buyers and other businesses at a higher rate, but lets stop pretending that banks have a moral obligation to help the little man, they are solely for profit and the government is not in the same realm, because we don't expect our government to make money we expect them to provide a safe working environment with safe roads, safe airports and safe railways. We expect them to help the little man and right now...the little man needs a helping hand.

Stroke, Death and Taxes

I think I am finally able to post again after my stroke and the death of my Dad and now that the tax season has passed...I hoping to start regularly riding my bike to work again. It has been a very stressful past 6 months but I am truly ready to move forward and I look forward to the small changes I am making in my life. I need to paint more...I have a commission and a few other small works for family and friends that I am currently working on, but I also have to get work ready for 2 shows that I am planning in the next 9 months.

So time to get to work!!

Tough time of it today

I have late night meetings with my development team on Mondays and Wednesday so I end up staying up way to late on those nights and the next day ride in can be hard. Today I just wanted to sleep for another hour but I had to get my ass going and get to work...so without coffee or anything to eat I put on my new Salsa wool riding jersey and got on the Casseroll...man were my legs toast, I couldn't believe it I was in a low gear and I still could barely tumble the pedals forward. I love Phil Liggett the Tour de France announcer because of his poetic way of describing cycling, anyway I was pooped and I hadn't even hit the first hill. I truly had to dig deep and the head wind was not helpful at all but I made it in time for my first meeting of the day.

I was talking with a friend and he was saying how he likes to ride because it slows him down and I like that idea a lot. Too often I get wrapped up in the news, politics or sports and I don't have enough time to even breathe let alone think about life outside of work, like art and painting...it is a long process getting back to the place where painting direction flows, and I can already see where I am feeling calmer and relaxed with my approach...now I just have to wrap up a few of these paintings that I started a while back.

I need lights for my bike I rode home in partial darkness and I can see but I am not too sure others can see me very well...I have to look for lights this weekend.

Monday update on Wednesday

I knew going into this adventure that writing something everyday or near everyday was going to be a challenge in its own right. I spend a fair amount of time on the computer daily for my job and I even go online when I am not at work, but writing something about yourself is very hard for me in general, am I funny and thought provoking or am I just reporting the facts of my daily life...that sounds incredibly boring but when i look at my life I don't think I am boring or that my life is boring. So I will just have to see what this process brings as I keep going forward and I as I try to stick with the plan.

Jana and I went to the MCA opening for Rebecca DiDimineco on Friday night and then onto a few galleries for first Friday in Denver. Rebecca is such a nice person and I am always intrigued with her work, in this installation piece she created a cave of mica covered butterfly wings and colored plastic with shiny vibrant colors. It was like an amusement park ride, there was a line and you could only go one direction. We saw Rebecca at the entrance greeting people and she was fairly occupied with people so we gently waved and went inside...once inside Jana was beside herself and proclaimed this the best installation piece she has ever seen and she demanded that we do it again....so we basically ran around to the entrance and waited patiently for our chance to see it all again. I am not sure if it was just the crazy idea of a cave or the colored mica or the exquisitely delicate butterfly wings but it was very meditative and calming despite be loaded with people...so went for a third time and still loved it. We also stopped by the Martha Russo ceramic installation and I have to admit that I am torn between the two pieces because I think they are both fabulous and in way related because they both make me pause and meditate on where I am in life and where I am in this space they occupy and I like that aspect a lot. Martha's piece is made up of all kinds of fabricated shapes and forms that resemble sea life (but aren't sea creatures at all) and you feel like you are resting on the bottom of the sea.

It was also nice to see so many museum people out that night showing support for the MCA and all that Adam Lerner and team are trying to bring to the Colorado art scene. We then went to first Friday along Santa Fe Drive in Denver to see the latest in the Colorado art gallery scene...it was raucous and wild but very short on good art and it always disappoints me to see so many young people out and about, trying to see or be seen, and Denver art galleries are closed or not participating so the ever inventive youth put up their own shows in off beat locations, which is good, but I would still prefer to see more support from the DADA group of galleries...also this event is dominated by young party goers and I would love to see more collector types hanging around town for these events...wow I sound old and stuffy. I love what youth and age both bring to the table in terms of likes and dislikes in art and art dialogue...so we need to promote more of that cross generational interaction, just my 2 cents.

Saturday we spent the majority of the day in the Ceramic Studio at the Arvada Art Center, firing Jana's latest load of art work...Raku firing is so damn stressful, you heat these delicate pieces up to 1600 degrees then while they are literally glowing hot you grab them with long metal tongs and place them carefully into garbage can full of torn paper that catches on fire and then the can is sealed and the pieces absorbs the carbon changing the glazes with crazy combinations of colors, from white to black from green to gold...and unfortunately as with every firing something breaks and it freaks me out and I feel so sad for Jana who spends so much time making these fish and other animals...we are trying to figure out how to get these spectacular color variations with normal glazes but nothing compares to raku yet...she is almost ready to start filling up all of her new galleries with beautiful new fish, please check out www.diedrichart.com to see what I am talking about.

On Sunday, I talked a few friends into riding up to Mount Evans at 14,264 ft above sea level, has the highest paved road in the world with 6,915 of elevation gain makes for a very daunting ride to say the least...I wanted to ride up there before it got to be too late in the year and I think I just made it. Jason and Maggie both very athletic and determined individuals agreed to give a it shot. As the time approached I was starting to worry that I may have used my influence for my own selfish concerns and I was worried that Maggie would not have a good time...I have talked her into other adventures that she regretted halfway through them, but I knew if we went slow and steady we would be okay and it was such a beautiful fall day that even if we didn't make it we would still be enthralled by the turning aspens and the colorful landscapes with expansive views....all of which is stunning and overwhelming. As we started our climb around 1:30 the day was already starting to cool down, Maggie kept the pace even though she was uncomfortable leading. I rode the new commuter bike so I could carry more stuff and I could use the 3rd ring that my road bike doesn't offer. We were steadily making our way up the mountain when I noticed that the clouds to the north was actually smoke and I was bummed because I knew this meant that Colorado was being ravaged by another forest fire...halfway up we switched to warmer clothes and pressed on, passing mountain goats and beautiful vistas in every direction. At Summit Lake, Maggie informed us that she only had about 15 minutes left, but we were still 5 miles away...it snowed lightly between the clouds and the ash plumes the sun turned a crazy orange red due to the smoke in the air...so despite being above 12,000 feet and the lack of oxygen we also had a light smoke in the air to contend with...who needs oxygen we kept going, and Jason pushed ahead so that he could summit and not make Maggie wait too long at the car while he completed his task. At mile 11 Maggie turned around and I was left on my own to continue to the summit, I gave her my gloves for the chilly descent and we parted ways with a hug. I continued on my slow journey to the heavens above, there are several switchbacks in the road and I saw elk, mountain goats and mountain rams and they looked so at peace with their surrounding. It made me feel comforted to know I wasn't alone. At mile 13 I saw Jason screaming down the road above me and he stopped to chat for a moment before he tore down the mountain trying to catch up with his fiance Maggie, she said later he was about 5 minutes behind her and he was blue from going so fast in the cold mountain air...nice work Jason. I summitted and sat around looking in every direction at the awesome views contemplating how much I truly love living in Colorado and thinking about my cold descent ahead...so I started down and rounded a sharp switch back to encounter a 3 foot high mountain goat staring me down, we gently passed each other on the narrow road with neither one of us taking an eye off the other as we passed...I froze my fingers off and the side steep views at 50 plus miles an hour made me second guess not wearing a helmet on this trip. I got to the truck threw the bike in the back and cranked up the heater as I drove home with a smile on my face.

I took Monday off from riding to work and I rode my ass off Tuesday morning but a strong head wind kept me from breaking any records. In the afternoon the wind switched more westerly and I pedalled my ass off to beat my record and finished in 39:41 which is 19.2 mph average...which considering all the hills makes me very happy.

Today, I rode in without a watch to time myself and the first true cold weather is starting to move into the state. The fall is here and it won't be long now til ski season is upon us!!

Recovery Day

I decided that I wanted to see if I could slow the pace down a bit and still try to get to work in 45 minutes...I almost did it, I finished in 45:48 with an average heart rate of 135 and the ride was fairly relaxed so I will be doing this at least once a week just to give my legs a little break and my lungs. It was a cool change of pace and I still got to work when I wanted without being too late...

We went to the BMOCA art opening last night and while I tried to like the new Batura paintings I thought they were fairly weak and uninspired. It isn't enough to just paint random cutouts on big panels and expect the viewer to connect to them...when the artist himself doesn't really even connect to them. Painting abstract art is harder than people think and I think this is a great example of an accomplished realist painter trying to paint abstractly...he is a skilled draftsman and his talent is apparent in the works, but they just really lacked a conviction. I am sure that if he sticks with this direction they will become stronger with time, that is how painting works.

Barbara Shark's paintings were very interesting from a nostalgic point of view, they represented the Shark's lifetime of events some small some big and overall I enjoyed the voyeuristic aspect of the show, they were snapshots blown up to life size paintings and the compositions were well thought out. The handling of the paint was a bit thin and amateur. A few of the paintings seemed a little forced in that they tried to convey more than we could understand from plain observation. I wanted to connect more to the events but at the same time, if I didn't know them personally would I care to view someone's family photos turned into paintings???

Jana and I both liked the work upstairs by the O.H.N.O twins, I wasn't overly overwhelmed but it was fun and playful and there was a sense of nostalgia that all 3 shows carried as a theme, intended or not, I found the most important part of the exhibit was how all the work touch on this central theme of nostalgia, cut ups from old fashion magazines to family photos to small monitors showing old cartoons and t.v. shows this 3 show set made me remember my past with a wink and grin.

Tonight we go to first Friday and the show at the Denver MCA...can't wait to ride home.

Land Speed Record

Today, I set a new record for my ride into work and so far I have gone faster everyday, I know this can't last and that at some point I will be maxed out for how fast I can go. My pace today was 18.45 mph average, my heart rate average was 142 bpm, peak 159 bpm and I know I can still push it a little harder. It was a nice cool morning so that helped as well.

I have busy day ahead as I need to ride home and then drive to Boulder for the Art opening at the Boulder Museum of Contemporary Art. I am excited to see the new work and to hang out with the staff and fellow board members of the museum. Check out the info for the opening here: http://bmoca.org The show consists of three individual shows Stephen Batura a long time Denver artist who appears to bw branching out of his historical paintings which should be an interesting twist to his body of work. Barbara Shark is also showing and I am excited to see her photo inspired paintings and in the upstairs gallery is show by the Flying O.H.N.O. twins and it sounds like it is going to transport me to a new dimension of sight and sound...this is great sounding and I will let you know how it pulled off.

Also we are going the Denver MCA for the opening of Rebecca DiDomenico's new show called Pellucid which feature something liek 60,000 pieces of mica embedded with butterfly wings and colored pieces of plastic trash...I don't know what it means or what it looks like but I really like her work and I am sure to learn something everytime I see her work.

I am feeling really good about week ahead and I hoping to post photos of the paintings started this weekend.