It has been 365 days, one year ago, since I had a stroke that almost killed me. Today is the Anniversary of Me Being Alive Day. Thanksgiving is always a time to remember the past and honor all the work that has gone into the past year. It is also a time to gather with family and friends. One year ago I walked out of the final Harry Potter movie and waited patiently by the popcorn stand for Jana, when all of a sudden the strangest music started playing in my head…as I stood there and wondered where that music was coming from my body started to shake violently on the right side. I thought someone slipped me a “Mickey” even though I have no idea what a “Mickey” really is….The shaking got worse and I shook off my right shoe and tried to pick it up only to land on the ground in a pile of convulsions, unable to lift myself up or control the shaking, all while watching people walk past me into the theater. Finally people stopped and shortly afterwards the paramedics arrived…then Jana found me, with my face drooping on the right side they asked her if I normally looked like that to which she shrieked “Noooo….”. They whisked me away to the hospital and determined I was having a stroke and gave me this miracle drug called ATP, a powerful blood thinner, that cleared up the blockage in two different parts of my brain. I spent the next few days in the hospital with a splitting headache and some slight vision issues. I was surrounded by friends and family and the love and support of my wife Jana. She really had to be strong and for that I am very proud of her.
After the stroke, I spoke with the doctor who reminded my friends of a walrus. He had gotten into a disagreement with his wife so he had gone back to the hospital to do some work when I arrived. He is a well respected brain surgeon in Denver and I am very lucky he was there that day. He told me that as time passed I would focus less on my stroke and focus more on living life. He said the symptoms I had, inability to see objects out of the periphery of vision would go away. I wasn’t supposed to drive and I could ski but I should always be with someone. I had a hard time focusing on my job which is very detailed oriented, but he said all of these things would become distant memories as I got further from the “incident”. I was frustrated during those early days wondering if I was just going to drop dead at any moment. I didn’t want to die and I wanted to make sure Jana was taken care of, she was a working artist at the time and her income from art was not enough to make the monthly mortgage and that really scared me. I was also very determined to get back on the mountain and ski and board, my most favorite passion is to be on the mountain. I had huge mood swings and became agitated at the slightest thing, like a tone or inflection in someone voice at work or the constant fear of Jana losing the house after I was gone. It really started to bother me. So I went back to seek the “Walrus”, he gave me some meds and suggested I just try to move past the incident by doing things I loved. So I skied and I skied and I skied…I was supposed to visit my parents but I wanted to ski instead. So I put it off, I would see them next summer…
In February, my Dad had a heart attack in the early morning at the school, where he was a teacher’s assistant for troubled children. He passed away and I never got the chance to see him after my stroke…for that I am profoundly sad to this day. I went home for his funeral and I got to meet several of the kids he worked with on a daily basis. He had often told me stories of these kids and all the things they had accomplished and he told me about their troubled pasts. He worked so hard to help these kids and he never complained about the work, he just wanted to give them a chance to live a good life. He read with them and helped them with their homework…he also coached baseball and he bought a whole bunch of gloves and bats so they could play even if they couldn’t afford their own gear. He was going to teach fishing that summer so he started to stockpile fishing poles and gear in the basement of my parent’s home. We donated all the gear to the YMCA and I am very proud of him. It has been really hard on my Mom, she has had to endure losing her husband while losing her eyesight to an insidious degenerative eye disease. I drove back to Colorado in his car, a gift for my wife. Her car had been damaged in a hail storm the previous summer.
Jana and I decided that she needed to start a new career that she would enjoy and that she could have in case I was no longer around. She went back to school and graduated at the top of her class in real-estate. She had several offers from teachers and other employers but she chose a Denver company that specializes in advanced training and marketing techniques…Porchlight Realty. She was done amazingly well for herself. As spring came to Colorado, I switched from skiing my ass off to biking my ass off. I bought two new bikes to handle all the terrain that colorful Colorado has to offer. I spent more time running and riding than I had in the past few years. I climbed huge mountains on my bikes and came screaming down them like a little girl….it has been fun. I started painting again in late summer as I had a commission that I needed to complete…and I was ready to get back in the studio. I have so many ideas and thoughts to express.
All of this brings me to right here, right now. I am so grateful for having another chance to love, to paint, to ride, to ski to live life on my terms. I am not sure what I think about God or heaven, but that music in my head was so strange and wonderful and at my Dad’s funeral a door blew open during the ceremony right next to his coffin as we were saying goodbye, then the door blew shut gently. This past year has been really hard on my family and yet we all still get up and go to work and do what we need to do to survive, despite the Arab Spring and the gridlock in Washington, despite the economic hard times in America and the rest of the world. I am so proud of my family and I know they will be fine. I wanted to share this with all of you as you gather with your families for Thanksgiving and to be truly thankful for all that you have. Time is our most precious commodity and we need to use it wisely, because you never know when your time is up. Livestrong and Play Harder!!

Happy Anniversary of Me Being Alive Day!!!

World Economy and lending

I know I am not qualified to hold a long list of jobs, in fact I am really only qualified to hold a relatively small number of jobs...but I read the as much as I can and I try to stay on top of everything I can as well. I tried to read different sources and different opinions so that I can try to look at issues objectively even though I am a liberal at heart. I don't always agree with everything on the left, I just agree more with the left than the right. I think it is important to know where I sit so you can understand where I stand.

I am trying to figure out the best method for proposing an idea that came to me today. We funded 2 wars in two parts of the world and now we are winding those wars down. We are trying to stimulate the economy while keeping our products cheap for export, so we have kept the dollar low. We are still the worlds largest economy despite 9% unemployment and we enjoy a pretty good lifestyle relative to other up and coming economies like China and India. But the high unemployment is dragging us down and we have to put people to work. Manufacturing and production are slowly increasing again but banks are holding tight to there money which is keeping small businesses from expanding, we want to demonize banks for doing that but we all own the banks and we want them to be profitable, every quarter.

So my idea is simple, let's spend the next 8 years funding business and education with no expectation that we will get the money back, with the same amount of money we just spent on 2 wars and see if we can energize the economy. Banks operate on the assumption that their investments will generate income, thus a profit for shareholders. The government operates on a different basis where investment does see a monetary return, sometimes it is a security return like in the case of Iraq and Afghanistan, where we expect the world to be safer. But if we took all that money and invested in education and small business loans wouldn't that ultimately make use safer and stronger economically? The cost of wars since 9/11 is approximately 3.7 trillion dollars, http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/29/us-usa-war-idUSTRE75S25320110629 and we are still not done spending money on it. Are those countries truly any better off, I don't know I don't live there. Am I any safer, maybe, but I would argue that the wars had little to do with it, look at all that we have spent on airport security. Is the world better off without Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden, on that I would completely agree. But we completely overspent on trying to rid the world of those two idiots and I am not better economically because of it. And this is my point.

I know Solyndra didn't pan out and that upsets lots of people, but the reality is that they did generate a great product that was expensive because of the fluctuating price of silicone and the fact that the Chinese government supplements the costs of solar panels produced by Chinese manufactures. But while we gave something like 500 million dollars to Solyndra, they spent that money on US employees and good and services in the US. So that loss is was off set by the mere fact that US citizens were employed and taxes were generated. It seems like a simple approach to big problem and I welcome the chance to discuss this idea with people from across the political spectrum. But we need to spend 3.5 trillion dollars in 10 years on education and small business with the knowledge that that money will be spent here to generate jobs and taxes here. If we lend that money to small businesses that put people to work and brings products and services to the marketplace then we all win regardless of the cost. If we spend that money on education in this country to teach the next generation of children to be like Steve Jobs and Bill Gates (read Outliers by Malcolm Galdwell) and other entrepreneurs.....because in the end we are investing in us, in the US, in the future with a tangible result(a strong and vibrant economy) not a war in a far off place with two idiots. I ask again what did we get for spending 3.7 trillion dollars on 2 wars, when they "spent an estimated $400,000 to $500,000 on the plane attacks that killed 2,995 people " Reuters 6/29/2011

I realize the political fallout from shifting lending from the private sector to the governmental sector is a big fiasco, and I don't have the answers to all of the issues around this problem, but it just seems like we can lend money to big corporations with no strings attached like GM and Citibank, then why can't we lend money to the real drivers of our economy youth and small businesses? We have a whole lot of people who are frustrated with the fact that their economic outlook is bleak, I am not talking about handouts...I am talking about loans for college at really low rates and for small businesses at really low rates, where other banks won't help out. Banks can still lend to bigger corporations and to home buyers and other businesses at a higher rate, but lets stop pretending that banks have a moral obligation to help the little man, they are solely for profit and the government is not in the same realm, because we don't expect our government to make money we expect them to provide a safe working environment with safe roads, safe airports and safe railways. We expect them to help the little man and right now...the little man needs a helping hand.